As I looked back on my years of feeling lonely despite having a big social media presence, I realized I had been treating friendships like a convenience rather than an investment. Research shows that friendship patterns change dramatically across our lifespan, and often, we’re not even aware of the changes happening within ourselves. Here are seven patterns I noticed that were sabotaging my own friendships:
1) Only reaching out when I needed something
I’d message people only when I had a problem or wanted to vent, never just to check in.
2) Mistaking online interaction for actual connection
Liking someone’s Instagram post isn’t friendship. Commenting on their story isn’t connection.
3) Avoiding vulnerability like it was contagious
I kept conversations light and avoided sharing my true feelings.
4) Waiting for others to do the inviting
I thought if people wanted to be friends, they’d reach out; instead, I waited for invitations.
5) Expecting friendships to stay effortless forever
I assumed real friends would naturally stay close; but maintenance is a sign of valued relationships.
6) Surrounding myself with comfortable, not meaningful, people
I gravitated toward those who never challenged me or made me think harder.
7) Treating friendships like static objects that can be shelved until needed
Friendships are living things that die without attention.
By recognizing these patterns and actively changing them, I’ve been able to build real, meaningful connections with others. If you recognize yourself in any of these patterns, don’t worry – you can start making changes today.
Source: https://vegoutmag.com/lifestyle/d-i-didnt-understand-why-i-had-no-close-friends-until-i-noticed-these-7-patterns