Emotionally secure people use two essential strategies to navigate difficult conversations: regulating their emotions before regulating the relationship and speaking from personal experience instead of making emotional accusations.
When we feel threatened or defensive, our brain’s threat detection system activates, triggering a physical response that can impede clear communication. Emotionally secure individuals prioritize physiological regulation first, recognizing when they need to calm down before tackling the issue at hand. This involves taking deep breaths, pausing, and softening their tone.
In contrast, people who lack emotional security often fall into patterns of behavior that attack others’ character or make “you” statements. These phrases can trigger defensiveness and hurt feelings. Emotionally secure communicators, on the other hand, focus on expressing their own experiences and emotions, without blaming others. By anchoring their language in personal experience, they create a safe space for constructive dialogue and problem-solving.
By implementing these two strategies, emotionally secure individuals can reduce interpersonal threat, increase clarity, and preserve connection – even during challenging conversations.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202602/2-important-strategies-for-having-difficult-conversations