You may have experienced negative thoughts like, “I shouldn’t have said that” or “I should be able to handle this.” These “shoulds” can lead to self-judgment and guilt. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches you to notice when these thoughts occur, reframe them in a more constructive way, and practice kinder language.
These thoughts often come from internalized rules or beliefs that stem from your childhood experiences or efforts to please others. However, this pressure can make you feel like a failure, worthless, or unlovable. To break free, examine and reframe the shoulds by recording them over a week and intentionally changing them into more fair and realistic thoughts.
For example, instead of thinking “I shouldn’t have written that email,” try reframing it to “I could have read it another time before sending.” Using kinder words like “could,” “choose to,” or “will” can also help. By doing so, you’ll practice self-compassion and motivate yourself without guilt, shame, or judgment.
Remember, it’s not about avoiding mistakes but learning from them. Focus on being kind and constructive in your thoughts, just as you would with a friend.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-are-enough/202603/dont-should-yourself-out-of-joy