The holiday season brings joy and festivity, but also tension and stress for many people. When dealing with relatives who are intrusive or abusive, experts recommend using a strategy called “gray rocking.” This approach involves acting boring by politely offering short, non-committal responses to avoid conflict.
Gray rocking is helpful when trying to minimize interactions with toxic individuals, such as narcissists or manipulators. By sidestepping high-drama conversations and not emotionally engaging, you can deprive the other person of attention and reaction. However, overusing this technique can lead to emotional numbness and create distance between loved ones.
Experts suggest planning ahead by setting a specific goal for handling difficult situations and having placid responses ready. Recruiting like-minded loved ones to help in heated moments is also essential. Additionally, staying sober and focusing on the positive aspects of family gatherings can help you stay calm and empathetic towards others.
While gray rocking can be helpful in certain situations, it’s not a substitute for being authentic and addressing underlying issues. If you want to maintain healthy relationships, experts recommend talking through problems rather than resorting to stonewalling or passive-aggressive behavior.
Source: https://www.bostonglobe.com/2025/11/26/lifestyle/holiday-gatherings-stressful-gray-rocking