In the midst of a dinner party, a seemingly innocuous comment can send shockwaves of offense. A guest’s subtle jab about a homemade dish, such as grits, can be perceived as both a compliment and an insult. This phenomenon, known as invidious comparison eating (ICE), is a pervasive habit that affects millions of Americans.
ICE is when a person indirectly asserts a dish they’re consuming is lesser by listing the “superior” merits of another version, usually their own. This behavior can be particularly hurtful when it occurs in domestic settings, where cooks are often more vulnerable to criticism. A 1899 study by Thorstein Veblen highlighted ICE as a means for the wealthy and moneyed class to distinguish themselves from others.
Personal anecdotes reveal the lasting impact of ICE on relationships. The author recalls a middle school cafeteria encounter with friend Karen, who subtly compared their peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This incident sparked anger and frustration, but not a permanent rift. Similarly, Kerry Crisley’s in-law made a recipe change that left her feeling like an inferior cook.
Etiquette expert Nick Leighton emphasizes the importance of addressing ICE directly, yet politely. A quick smile, followed by a subject change, may be the most effective response for some hosts. However, this approach requires consideration of one’s mood, relationship with the guest, and personal boundaries.
ICE can also manifest as cultural appropriation, where non-standard ingredients are used to create an inferior version of a traditional dish. Food blogger Tieghan Gerard faced backlash for substituting beef in her “Vietnamese chicken soup” recipe.
Ultimately, recognizing ICE as bad behavior is crucial. By acknowledging its insidious nature and adapting polite yet direct responses, hosts can maintain their dignity while still being gracious and hospitable to their guests.
Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaoleary/invidious-comparison-eating-sc