Parenting
You Won’t Be Here Forever
Why parents should prepare their children for life without them.
It’s painful to think about our own mortality. However, avoiding this reality can impact how we parent and care for those around us. Our denial of death can lead to an overemphasis on safety and supervision, which can stifle kids’ confidence and teach them they can’t survive without us.
Parents don’t want to imagine leaving their children behind. We avoid thinking about what will happen in our absence, but it’s crucial to confront this reality. By not preparing our children for life without us, we’re denying them the opportunity to grow and become independent.
Some researchers suggest that the mental health crisis among today’s youth is partly due to a decline in independent activity and unsupervised play. Parents are now more closely watching their children and involving them in structured activities. This is driven by a desire for increased safety and control.
It makes sense, but it also has unintended consequences. When children who have grown up under close parental supervision face adversity without a parental guide, they can feel lost and anxious. Young adults who have always had someone to rely on struggle when that support isn’t there.
As parents, we need to prepare our children for the day when they’ll need to live without us. This means facilitating their growth by teaching them problem-solving skills and confidence-building activities. By not doing so, we’re stifling their development and implying they can’t overcome challenges on their own.
Our behavior and the parameters we set for our kids also send subtle messages about their capabilities and our own mortality. We must recognize that our children will one day become independent adults and prepare them for this reality.
References
Gray, P., Lancy, D. F., & Bjorklund, D. F. (2023). Decline in Independent Activity as a Cause of Decline in Children’s Mental Well-being: Summary of the Evidence. The Journal of Pediatrics, 260, 11e352–11e352.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/our-human-condition/202407/you-wont-be-here-forever